There Was A Plane That Was So Cheap And Easyjet Was It’s Name-o
Ok, so that’s not the original words to the song. It wasn’t a plane, it was a dog, and it wasn’t called EasyJet, it was called BINGO. But, it still works. Don’t believe me? Sing along for yourself.
Therrrrrreeeeee was a plane
That was so cheap
and EasyJet was it’s name-o
EA-S-Y-J-E-T
EA-S-Y-J-E-T
EA-S-Y-J-E-T
aaaaaannnnd EasyJet was it’s name-o.
By way of background, I spent a few days in Bordeaux, France before I had to go to London to attend Future of Web Apps 2008. There are many public transportation options in Europe (which I appreciate very much). If you are a fan of planes, trains, and automobiles (and coaches), Europe is the place for you.
I did some price comparison, and found out that EasyJet is a low-cost provider here on this side of the pond. It wasn’t until I took a flight that I found out exactly how “low-cost” we are talking about.
Let me share with you the experience that I had with EasyJet.
Arriving at Bordeaux Airport (BOD)
There are two main halls which planes leave, A and B. Simple enough. This is a very small airport, but very nicely done, and very efficient. UNTIL you get to EasyJet’s counters. EasyJet had 2 counters open the day that I left for Luton Airport (more on that later). I arrived 2.5 hours early for my flight (like a good global citizen should). I then went directly to the counter to check in for my flight. NOT POSSIBLE. That’s right people. NOT POSSIBLE. I was too early for my flight. TOO EARLY!?!?? When has that been a problem? Well, it is on EasyJet. Because they were only checking in flights ONE CITY AT A TIME. And at that time it was Bristol’s turn. The people for Luton had to hang around the seating area like gnats swarming a watermelon on a warm day.
Finally EasyJet was boarding for Luton Airport (just wait, more on that later). In the amount of time it took me to put my laptop away, 40+ people were in line. The same line that I was trying to avoid in the first place. But no matter. I was assigned “Group B”. For those of you who have ever flown Southwest Airlines in the U.S. you know what you’re about to face. So just to confirm my suspicions, I asked the lady at the counter – who was very pleasant – does this mean that we are all going to have to rush the plane like cattle? She said “Well, not like cattle, but similar.” Whatever, I’m READY.
I can rush that plane like the fastest cattle you have ever seen.
And that is exactly what happened. The flight that I was 2.5 hours early for ended up being a rush of people aiming for that prized seat. It was Darwinism at it’s best. The fast cattle got the window and aisle seats, and the slow cattle got the middle seats. Dismal.
In-Flight Experience
Now I was on the flight, a bit sweaty from having to push and shove my way to my seat. Let me just kick back and relax, lean the seat back and take a breather before this plane takes off. Wait? What? What the (&$*^#((*(&!??!? Where is the button to lean my seat back? OOOHHHHH NOOOOOO! I sat upright like Hannibal Lecter in his jail cell waiting for the plane to take off. I was in the aisle, and there was someone in the window seat. We had managed to pull the long straw, and no one was sitting in the middle seat. I promise you people, that this fellows neck must have been made of rubber. At the end of the flight I wanted to give him the name of a good chiropractor to work on his neck.
Now we are in the air, the safety dance has been danced, and we are in the air.
What does a guy have to do for a glass of water around here?
EasyJet has the answer for you, pay a few pounds. Well, I’m from the States, and our money is worthless (there is not enough storage space on the Internet for me to blog about this). That means that pay the equivalent of about 46,029,485 USD for a bottle of water (my figures might be off). Reminded me of a scene from Goodfella’s. You’re thirsty? No matter pay us. You’re hungry? No matter, pay us. You would like to have a change of clothing with you when you get to LUUUTTTON? No matter, pay us. You’re so cattle and you can’t run? No matter, pay us. In the real movie they don’t say “No Matter”. But this is a PG blog.
Arrival at Luton Airport
Where? That was the my first question. Huh? But I need to be in London. How does this work? I’ll tell you how it works. First you have a 30 minute conversation with customs about how it’s possible to travel for 6-weeks in Europe with one carry all. Then you take the bus, to the train, to the tube, to the DLR, to your aparta-hotel. That’s how.
Total trip time from Luton to get to aparta-hotel about 2.5 hours.
In summary
I’m in London now.
My neck hurts.
My throat is dry.
My stomach is rumbling. (although this one is my own fault)
and yes.. I want my mommy.
Sing it with me now… EA-S-Y-J-E-T. EA-S-Y-J-E-T. EA-S-Y-J-E-T and EasyJet was it’s name-o.
Board this airline with extreme caution. Make sure you pack some snacks. But not too many because then
October 1st, 2008 at 09:10
… because then? I can’t wait for the snacks story.
Mike, this is how we keep flying costs low in Europe.
Only sometimes, the costs are not that low – just the service standards.
By the way, make sure you pop in to see Sun Microsystems at FOWA.